Therapy for Men: Relational Empowerment
So many men today are suffering, mostly alone and in silence. It doesn’t have to be this way.
In some critical ways, it’s really tough to be a well-adjusted modern man. On the one hand, guys are “supposed” to be brave, individualistic, successful leaders, good fathers, stoic and long-suffering, and so on. On the other hand, men are not “supposed” to be in touch with and/or express emotions, be empathic and relationship oriented, admit they are in pain and reach out for help. The price of breaching these expectations can be steep, but often it looks like shame and rejection by friends, family and peers/colleagues. It’s a no-win situation. It’s a prison.
What does it look like when men need help and don’t get it?
Well, in a nutshell, it ain’t pretty. Societal norms generally allow for men to access only one emotion – anger. Certainly men, and everybody, experience anger, but what about depression, anxiety, shame, grief and other feelings? When anger is the only emotion allowed, those other difficult feelings don’t just go away. Quite the contrary, they get stuffed down, pressurize, then they start to “ooze out”. This makes men deeply isolated and under-resourced emotionally, socially, and relationally, which makes life, love and connection exceedingly difficult, if not impossible.
Many men will try to cope by engaging harmful and destructive ways.
Addictive behaviors (drinking, drugs, sex, and other high-risk behaviors).
Pushing others away, precisely when they need help from others the most (like spouses and partners, family members, friends and colleagues who care, because men aren’t “supposed” to look weak or ask for help).
Violence (at home or in public).
Self-harm or suicide.
This silent suffering impacts all men: straight, gay, bi, trans, etc. Relational Empowerment is the way out of this trap.
What is relational empowerment?
Relational Empowerment is the combination of emotional and social awareness, intelligence, and skill. Relationally empowered men are those who possess the desire and aptitude to open themselves up, understand and love themselves bravely, and build stronger, more vibrant interpersonal networks, not only with women, but, just as importantly, with other men. They relish these connections and derive deep joy and satisfaction from them. Being relationally empowered reveals the path to healing and well-being.
Relational Empowerment is:
Open Heartedness: emotional intelligence and expression.
Honesty: showing your true self without fear.
Deep Connection: vibrant, authentic community with our fellow men.
Integrity: strength to act in alignment with core values.
Joy: freedom to not take oneself overly seriously and have fun.
Why is relational empowerment fundamental to men’s healing and well being?
Well, to put it simply, because men are human beings! By that, I mean that we humans are social beings by nature. We must have strong and supportive connections with our own self as well as with others, in order to survive and thrive. We can’t really do much in this world without each other. Without our relationships, there would be no business, no art nor music, no skilled leaders, no healers, no friends and no families, and so on.
We are our relationships. That is why relational empowerment is so fundamentally important, especially for men.
Men have historically been at a significant disadvantage when it comes to emotional, relational and social competence and skill, due to pernicious societal beliefs about what a man is “supposed” to be. This impacts not just some men, but all men: men of color, gay/bi/queer/trans/gender non-conforming men, and so on. No man is exempt from this cultural influence. This is so often what is at the root of why men fail to achieve their wants, needs and desires. Relational empowerment is the antidote to it, and this is why I emphasize it and focus on it so much.
I know this is a lot of information all at once, and hopefully I have spoken to at least some part of your experience and piqued your interest. Do you want to learn more about working with me on these issues? Then don’t wait any longer and reach out to me now. I really look forward to talking to you about your situation and how I can help to you.